janice

Tagged by Fira

2005-11-26T05:33:00.000-08:00

* Seven things I plan to do:
1. Be a good mom
2. Throw the sofa n the remote out, cause my hubby and the sofa are inseprable twins when there is football i dont get it its just a bunck of guys runnin around like fools an grabbin eachothers ass
3. Hopefully, yes hopefully squeeze into a pair of leather pants cause i see females here wearing it an it looks so sexy
4. Hit the Gym
5. Go shopping for nice lingierie an chuck out my granny size undies that i wear right now
6. learn to cook PROPERLY and not depend on ur hubby or the local fast food joint for java
7. Go clubbin, right now if we party the people are WoHHH!! Big basket ur carrying there Girlie ( bloody asses they call u r baby a big basket) or awwwww u ought to be home curled in bed right now and Have a Girls night out again, the ladies here are pretty bold i must say I nearly choked on my sandwich whre the guy danced there in his undies in mulund never in my wildest dreams i wud imagine going to a party an seeing a guy dance half naked.

* Seven things I can do:
1. Keep Secrets ( mmm ok im lying)
2. Be a good friend
3. GOSSIP. GOSSIP. GOSSIP
4. Nag my husband
5. Start the waterworks bawling like hell till i get things done
6. Sulk and emotionally blackmail my hubby ( im very gud at that as a matter of fact)
7. Make people laugh

* Seven things I can't do:
1. Be Mean
2. Nasty to others
3. COOK wahhhhhhhhh
4. Be disrepectful
5. Drive
6. Like foot ball
7. use bad Language i still cant say the 'F' word i often think im with mom or dad an still use the word Dumbass when im mad

* Seven things I say most often:
1. Shit
2. Go to hell
3. Chalo bye then take care an god bless
4. Gudddddddd Morning Sunshine ( to mah hubby at 6.00 on a sunday morning an he gets mad)
5. DUMBASS
6. DUMBASS
7. DUMBASS

Just one month more

2005-11-26T05:03:00.000-08:00

Well i entered the final month of mah pregnancy just imagine by next month i am going to be a mother. the whole thing seems so exciting at the same time a bit scary too, as the time nears u tend to get more an more nervous too i guess. Chris tries to act bold an "oh! im the man nthins gonna happen ull be fine" but i heard my friend tellin me chris had told her husband hes nervous too, hes scared i had problems during the carrying nothing shud go wrong later, at times that really gets me mad i mean why dont guys simply bloody say wht they are feeling why all this macho crap i mean gals are scared too but they act all manly when the females i feel are much stronger though they cry buckets of tears over any problems

I have become so so so so veryyyyyyy fat right now, i cant even see my feet that after mah baby shower my brother saw my snaps an said i look more like a baby elephant only the baby elephant looks better. grrrrrrrrr lolz but he kids an often teases as a matter of fact he is getting married next year. He an his Gf have been going out since college time, and shes two years older to hime at first i used to think it weird i dont know maybe im too old fashioned and rigid, i used to think the guy always has to be older than the girl cause gals mature faster so if the guys older i mean the thinking level is kinda same, but at the same time i have often seen couples even with more than 10 yr age gap the guy is still a kid, lolz maybe guys never grow up.

The most recent movie i saw was the hindi movie Salaam Namaste which was a real treat but if u ask me id preffer the english version 9 months. though the movie was nice and funny i thought the last parting was dragged too much an i totally didnt like the hospital scene where both the women are in labour an he trips an falls between that aussie taniya legs, thats i felt was so disgustingly crude

Last month me an chris went to our neigbours / good friend of ours place. the couple a foreigner stay a couple of blocks before us, i couldnt make it to the hospital to see her baby but my mom, mother in law an chris went over. But when i saw the baby it was such a huge shock the kid was a differently abled. You could see signs at this such a tiny stage only. Chris didnt want me to visit, and hadnt even told me about the disability but i mean u get such a shock the parents often say its gods given gift an we accept it, my granny of a different opinion i remember as a kid while growin up she used to say for the sins of the parents the kid often suffers, My dad initially wanted to join the police force but she put her foot down saying those peoples are all corrupt people curse them most of their children an families suffer. I saw the kid and i was actually shaken, how can u accept it as gods given gift, its like i feel the kid will always taunt u just because of u im here.

Well i will definately tell you guys about Junior, lolz but maybe next year i doubt if id have the time to sit in front of the comp, cause my nap time may be history then. So see all u bloggers whom i havent even chatted with u next year, ill prob drop in now an then to say hi till then muwahhhhhh to all of u in advance " Merry Xmas an a Very happy New Year"

Good bye

2005-09-19T04:57:00.000-07:00

i had a little problem on september 10th crhis an i went out to the beach an i dont know wht happened wheather i tired myself too much i ended up bleeding a little shortly after mid night... chris drove to the hospital.... and it was so scary the entire time i really though im going to loose the baby... but now things are ok i came home from the hospital on sunday...... the doctor says he already asked us to keep things cool an this is the third time hes finally telling us... the foetus he says was showin signs of distress... and my beleeding wouldnt stop.... chris's mom is with us for nerly overa week now... till my mom joins me... chris has asked her to come over an just stay with me till the baby is here an we both are able to geta hang of things... but it will take time till mom settles things at her end an join me... she will probably come over next month... till then im stuck with my mother in law and i hate the way she cooks... she keeps stuffing all sorts of weird soups which i reall feel like puking over she doesnt make chicken soup like my mom does... cris's mom went over to her place today to bring things from her home... my fathr in law will join us after sumtime... i like my father in law hes got a sense of humour an alway makes funny jokes an he always makes m laugh whenver the situation is strained

To be very honest i guess i ended up taking the bab for granted with moving around my fainting didnt worry me too much cause i thought fainting spells are normal but gettin up in the middle of the night on that day really scared me an chris ... i dont know i seen all my cousins having their kids wiht such ease nobody faced any problmes... i kind of figured it would be the same for me an chris also... the gynac got mad at us saying if you are not responsible parents enough to look after your baby why sleep and bring a child into this world......

I just wanted to thank all of you guys for being such good friends though i havent chatted or met u folks

4u2nvau/Rohit , Cheesy.Termite, firacub , itcommittee&community , jim/julia/saby, Keshi , --pearl--, Pithalay, Tanvi, Thomas, Prajit ( my mail buddy), melissa ( another one of my cutest mail friend)

I will try to get well an come an i promise you guys will post pictures of my baby an myself and chris (u listening Fira)... till then i dont know if ill be able to make it cuase with my MIL here shes kinda fussing over me day in an day out

Baby Names

2005-09-08T18:54:00.000-07:00

Well we have started looking over baby names an all though chris choice n my simply dont seem to match.... i like the name Brandon for our son ... cause as a teen we used to have that serial Beverly Hills 90210 aired on star n i really really really had the hots for the guy name brandon there i thought his eyes were simply gorgeous n his grin was to die for though the sisters Bf wasnt bad too.... but i liked him more..... chris thinks Christian should be cool... wht the bloody hell ... Christian Christopher D'lima... the kid will actually commit suicide i feel... but we are still looking an chking names ... im going thru all maternity sites an chkin out nice baby names though theres still time...

Last Couple of week are good i will enter my 6 month in a couple of days and oh yeah PEARLIE the due date is in December 14 ... damn i really wished it was a xmas baby could named it Noel or sumthin like that....... i have joined yoga... chris says it will be probablly relaxing for me ... i think its ok... so started a class for pregnant women where we dont go overboard with the stuff

Last Tuesday one of our friends - a couple gave birth to a baby girl.... this couple have a live in relationship n still thought about going thru the pregnany... i really find the whole idea of live in relationships disgusting... i mean personally i feel the guys gets to enjoy everythin n the girl ends up with nothin... not that im sayin all mariages are made in heaven n all... but wht i didnt like is why give birth to a kid when ur not sure wheather the relationship will work in a couple of years ... the kid is going to be called nasty names in the future... though over here single moms n all are quite common n nothing new about it... i dont know maybe im too rigid n old fashioned in my way of thinking... i as a kid certainly wud like to have a mom n dad who are married in the eyes of god... i used to feel so embaressed n scared later if a guys used to just flirt with me ... thinking my brother will be just around the corner... n the thought of having a kid out of wedlock or even stayin with a guy out of marriage ... i dont know i most certainly wudnt have the guts to do it... chris usually says just forget them ... visit the kid give the gifts an let them lead their lives as they seem best... but then u gotta accept too the times are sure changing... anways

This Month guys we have two birthday boys ... lolz one is Fira ( whos been after mah butt to write a post.... n yeah fira how come keshi gets a snap n i dont grrrrrr ... n BULL i dont belive u angel face my ass i say .... ) n then theres granpa whos going to get even more senile than he already is ( An yeah i can feel the baby ... n kickin my insides ... *&*# ^% granpa ill show u wht it is to kick ur backside)

Last Week

2005-08-20T05:23:00.000-07:00

Last week was horrible, kinda fainted on sunday ... an chris ended up panicking...u know the funnny thing was with mom even if i had a mild cold she would roam arround me like a mother hen pushing me to visit the doctor even if its not serious... i used always ignore my health cause i knew mom is alwys there ...now with chris n me we both dont know wht to expect with the baby n i know its going to get tougher when the baby is here ... we both read a lotta book on children and very often he does the cooking at home by seeing whts healthy n whats not for a pregnant female... i often wonder im nearly gonna be 26 when the baby will be here but we both seem to not know our way around anythin ... when he took me to the hospital to get me checked up because of the fainting spell ... apparently i needed to cool things off for a couple of weeks an just take things easy .. sleep a lot eat healthily or id end up hurting my self an my kid ... he ended up panicking more callin my mom his mom his granmother as though hes is supposed to plan my funeral the next very day...

I often think my granny was married at age 14 she became a mother at age 16 ... but she seemed to handle things so cooly while i an chris are nearly a decade older but frnakly we both dont seem to know wht we are doin at times it often gets so scary i often wonder if id be a good mom.. if chris an i will atleast understand our kid n raise him like his parents n my parents did... what if i end makea terrible blunder

I dont know all bad thoughts seem to be coming since sunday night... chris too seems restless even if i get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom ( ya now the bathroom is mah bedroom cause my bladder seems to have shrunk n i spend every half an hour to 45 minutes there) he ends up gettin up though hes tired thinkin ill probably faint in the bathroom n he wudnt even know about it...

My mom had two kids easily n i cant even handle my first :(

Early Years

2005-08-06T04:50:00.000-07:00

Well sum more abt mah self... lolz n miss sarcastic pants KESHI next post will take longer...

One of my early regrets
well like is said was a pretty pampered kid while i grew up got whatever i asked for from mom n Specially from dad ...though mom was more strict when it came to studies i have had pasting from nearly everythin u see in our mulund kitchen... lols her fav was pokin us with a sharp pencil when we sat for studies on mah legs i got a cluster of marks which my cousins n friends used to mistake it for soooooo many beauty spots whnever used to wear a swim suit...i used to SUCK at maths n ironically my dad was excelent in the subject asa matter of fact he was a tution teacher when in college so he cud make some xtra dough... mah dads dad (granpa) passed away when mah dad was just 6 so granny had a tough time bringin up 5 kids all on her own she was widowed in her early 30s life was sure tough i guess for her then she spoke of life n brining up 5 kids all alone in a shanty ( slum area) but by sacrifices n help from her family managed a 1 room flat later funnily i actually cringe when i see a slum area i feel disgusted by people living in such conditions but then u seem to forget ur own father grew up there... my dad was very hardworkin.. was not perfect mind u... made mah mom cry n there were laughters too... but dad while growin up promised himself he no matter wht wud never let his kids see life at its worst in such areas... i stil rember mah dad used to take us kids to visit his cousins in chawls n stuff ... n we used to say "God dad how can people stay in places like these" but when u grow up in a 3 bedroomed flat kitchen u end up hurting ur dad by such comments .. my bro was much ruder he was like next time please go to such places ur self i know its kinda bad to say things like that but i guess when ur little u tend to not think n talk

My First Bite
Well i was actually 2 an half at that time dont rember it but got marks to prove the episode did take place...mah granpa (moms dad) was a shippy guy i used to be showere by gifts n a new dress every week .. he used to get me these big dolls n bears... i still have a few but with a broken eye n stuff...anyways in india we have this person who gets a monkey to ur house an makes him dance n stuff ... well mah granny had gone to the nearby shop n asked me to stay put shed be back by 2 minutes cause mah mom n dad both used to wrk durin those times n she used to look after me... well there was this monkey n the guy near our gate ( my granny says) n apparently i went n huggedthe monkey from behind tryin to lift him up ... my granny said perhaps mistook him for a stuffed toy i had but then unfortunately i ended up probably freakin out the poor monkey n he scratched me on mah thigh my neighbours servant who heard me screamin tried to help along with the monkey trainer but unfortuanatley ended up bleadin pretty badly on my thigh n mah negihbours servant got scratched in the hand while tryin to get me away from the animal my grannny totally started freakin out n had no clue wht to do... cause she tot my mom wud blame her for wht happened to her daughter well mom said i ended up taking injections... but i still have the mark on my thigh its kinda like a smooth area with lines on my thigh but i used to have fun while braggin in school or college cause all mah friends usd to have cat, dogs or rat bite but Janice got nicked by da monkey lol my brother used to tease me sayin the monkey prob cud recognise itspain in the ass sister n ended up scratchin her as i used to scratch or hit my bro

Most embarissin moment in mah life
well this happened in mah early college years... now i was pretty sheltered as a kid ... mah mom xplained abt the birds n bees pretty late too i guess i must have been 16or 17 ( dont rember) when i came to know abt birds n bees thru mom.... my friends n me used to more discuss actors n film gossip than the facts of life ask us any new gossip n wed now it puttin a gossip magazine to shame...i actually even went thru a phase where i tot u ended up gettin pregnant by kissin cause i used to see in hindi movies the hero heroines pretend to kiss on their honeymoon an wham shes pergnant laters well had gone to mah friends bday party n there was this thruth or dare game ... where when mah time came one of the guys ended up asking me ...he asked me if i had seen a blues film in mah life... well sum of the girls were sniggerin sum were pretty still blank dodos like me i guess ...i mistook the qn wht he asked me cause i didnt know wht a blue film was n ended up sayin " No we dont have a blue coloures film at home cause mah daddy had got us a Coloured television set" well needless to say there was pindrop silence at first an then the guys started laughin so badly i thought their interstines mah just pop outta the stomach ... lol well mah friend who was laughin n gigglin too later hugged me laughingly n explained the meainin ... but was pretty embarissin ... laters the guys whenver they used to meet me used to tease me askin me if mah daddies coloured tv was functionin properly (wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh) i used to just end up blushin n makin a face at them

Well this much for now... till laters

About me

2005-07-19T22:08:00.000-07:00

Well finally fed up with the constant naggin by tanny im finally posting sumthing...Jesus Christ that girl sure can nag a lot i must say...shes got all the traits of a nagging housewife an she aint even married yet ...God help her unlucky husband :P actually i prefer reading the comments on the blogs rather than blogging ... i really dont know wht to write abt...if i write abt my pregnancy it embareses granpa sabby :(

well abt me was born actually in bandra and then raised in mulund but most of my childhood summers were spent in bandra who wud have thought wud be married there too... my childhood mmmm i rember being most pampered by dad... my mom actually used to say dad always wanted a baby girl an when i was born he was so overjoyed that he just held me near his heart when i wasnt even cleaned by the doctors ... with nurses claimin this guy sure is nuts whos over the moon cause a GIRL is born... but i mean things like that sure makes u feel needed and special ...

Well i was kinda of a brat too i msut say but basically obedient did whtever mommy daddy said .... luved my granparents like hell... an used to drive my big bro nuts... i rember my dad used offer me 2 rupees during that time to keep an eye on my brother an tell him hows he at school an all... hehe i squealed on my brother when i caught him kissin the neighbours daughter when he was 15 ... lol dad came down on him cause hes neglecting his studies but has time to kiss the girls... lol i rember that night i was a punchin bag for my brother ... but i wasnt less too i scratched him an pulled his hair too:)

i luved my college life luved the attention i got from guys but was always too shy to accept any proposals that came my way cause was scared of my brother... he was always very protective still is as a matter of fact...i guess the tables did turn where i used to keep an eye on him earlier he did that as soon as i passed out college...god he drove me nuts...

My first Kiss
Well i was abt 13 -14 ... well u cant call it a u know REAL kiss but got i used to dream abt him... i rember riding this bike dad got me... an i kinda fell from it an hurt my knee an i started cryin ... there was this guy... my brothers friend who picked me up and took me home ... bandaged my knee ... an kissed me on my cheek an asked me to stop crying...ohhhhhhhhh god that was LUV at first sight ... hehe i rember i had decided when i grow up no matter wht my parents say id marry him...SIGZZZ i used to dream of becoming Mrs. Desai

well my reall kiss i guess that i got at church on my wedding day ... was nervous like hell and ended up blushing like a apple with my cousins and chris friends teasin me abt how embaressed i was...and tellin stupid jokes as to why did chris ask janice's hand in marriage.. cause he was tired of using his own hand... lol chris took all the ribbing in stride... i kinda got mad at them for talking such filth but now it seems funny.. .well the french kiss i got later was kinda YUCKY lol im sorry to say that i kinda kept thinking if he brushed his teeth before kissing lols

The day i hated the most
Well that had to be the day my dad passed away i guess i still rember it like it was yesterday... i had a bad cold n fever on that day... my brothers had his exams the next mornin... dad was kinda feeling uneasy during the night andmom had to take him to the hospital cause it was getting worse i rember it was so late in the night my brother runnin around from one hospital to another tryin to get dad admitted an asking if the doctors were in ... while me an mom carryin dad anddad tryin to walk while we supported him an dad wasnt light weighted ... the funny thing i u actually grow up during times like these u see people who claim to daddies friends or family friends, neighbours, or even relative... but when u really need help the most u kinda find out ur all alone.... i never felt more lonely an depressed like i did that night ... an my poor brother studying in dads room on the floor after we got him admitted an asked me an mom to go home how he passed with such good marks id never know....dad was serious on the night we admitted him on a friday night an he passed away on a sunday morning i rember i was with him when passed away mom had asked me to be near his bed side cause she had to go homean do the cooking... she come back after she cook an then i could go an get sum rest... i still rember sitting wiht dad tellin him corny jokes he tried to smile an laugh ... but was not able to just hint of a smile .... an then he kindawent silent an pointed up wards i rember looking up an seeing nothing but he just kept pointing upwards an mumbling they have come ...and i thought he was hallucinating... my granma kinda had that problem before she was really really sick... i told him to rest an wished like hell mom wud come soon so id get sum rest cause my head ached an was feeling feverish because of the cold... mom arrived an i told her dad had finally gotten sum rest an not to disturb him (cause he didnt get any sleep in the night an was restless keepin my mom awake too in the hosital) mom said fine... my brother is home studyin i better go an get sum rest too... i reached home went straight to bed my brother asked me to eatsumthin have my tablets an then get sum rest but i was so tired i just wanted to sleep forever... an not just 5 min had passed since i slept my brother woke me up sayin to come to the hospital mom said its urgent ... an my poor mom in tears... they tried revivin dad with sum last minute injection but he passed away cause his weak heart....i honestly didnt know how to react sitting there near the bed with my dad covered dfrom head to toe in white hospital bedsheet while my mom an brother did the runnin about... he seemed no different like the time he covered himself from head to toe during winters or a rainy day... i dont know i guess that day i actually kinda stopped being the pampered brat and i rember i had felt pity for a guy when he lost his dad in the 8th std ... i was 20 yr old i wondered if my friend wud pity me too... i was overly possesive of mom after dad passed away ... i used to call her like a 100 times if shed go outside an ask her when shell be home... why shes late... if shed get just a mild cold i was scared shed leave me too... well there was resentment too... there was an old pal of my mom in bandra who got divorced during that time he and my dad both liked my mom during that time ... mom chose dad:) and there were talk mom cud remarry again an stuff.. i rember plannin foolishly how i wud make the guys life a living hell if he married my mom ... now all this seems so silly...

God this post is becoming lengthy as it is ... well next time some more abt myself till next time :) ciao... and tanny hope ur HAPPY an will SHUT UP Now... hehe :) luv ya

My 2 trimester

2005-06-25T02:24:00.000-07:00

i have entered my second trimester.... lol and yes i am on stage of becomming a fat fat aunty... though my tummy is just slightly rounded and our neighbours and friends havent commented yet that i have gained weight... but that at times itself depresses me i guess im more a bit selfconscious about how im looking right now ...Chris actually think the tummy is sexy...EEKKS!! Men go figure cant kill them cant stay with them

My morning sickness has gone done to NIL nearly...frankly i dont know which idiot invented the word morning sickness...when it occurs morning, noon and night... i can actually stomach a meal without rushing to puke my guts out... though i have started having sum pretty weird cravings lately... i know this will grose all u guy but i actually like pouring pepsi on my icecream or having broccli dipped in chocolate sauce and a little salt n pepper....hehe poor chris cringes at my choice of food
Chris has started looking around and asking for the Lamaze classes ... its so weird we never had things like these in india... here its so different...chris is gonna be my coach for those classes and i really hate it i mean i wud have luved if mom or my granny was there he gets uncomfertable whenever we go to the gynac for a check up itself ...i actually stand minutes in front of the mirror n while on our hammock an talk to it ... i just cant wait till its here

but then i luvvvvvvvvvv the pampering im getting during this stage...as a matter of fact we have this elderly couple the Johnsons who lives a couple of blocks from us and they are drop in regularly with goodies and tons of advice for wht i gotta do and dont...

Check this out guys

2005-06-18T02:38:00.000-07:00

Go to the below link an answer this quiz really cool one......

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/body/interactives/senseschallenge/senses.swf

let me know how much you scored :)

Happy Fathers Day Dada

2005-06-16T03:28:00.000-07:00

During my childhood never used to pay attention to these days.....

never heard of this xcept mothers say to be honest .... mother day was another day my mom used to hate ironically during my school going period cause my school had this rule to make cards on these days an our teacher wud look at it which we were later supposed to give it to our mommies... but me... well i always used to forget abt it an rember it only in the mornings... and used to cry about it (even though i was like 14 ) sayin my teacher wud scold me now during the first lecture an my poor mom used to end up making a mothers day card for herself lol
.....
as i hit my teenage years dad was too busy to be home.... well ... i entered my 20s and just when daddy an me kinda bonded i lost hime forever....

Well Dada Happy Fathers Day to you bout time i say and also to a certai person whose bday falls in september 10th i think

Life in the dumps for me right now

2005-06-11T00:58:00.000-07:00

i HATE being pregnant... life is not as it used to be... i keep puking my guts out half the time and the other time i start crying at the drop of a hat an i dont know why i hate the thought of becomming fat as a pig... just this morning i had a huge fight with chris cause i didnt wanna have eggs for breakfast... EGGS Jeezzz....

i want my mom an shes not here she keeps tellin me to stay calm its part of life happens to all... but if she really loved me she wud call me back shes not here when i want her the most ... past week i was depressed i hate chris i hate his whole god damn family.... i hate that he always leaves the wettowels in the bathroom whts the dumbasses problem to just pick it up....

1 Liners ( time pass)

2005-05-20T20:46:00.000-07:00

Single women can't fart: You have to get married to have an asshole
Menstruation, Menopause, Mental Breakdowns... ever notice how all our problems begin with Men? --women

"Your future depends on your dreams" So go to sleep !

A dress is like a barbed fence; It protects the premises without restricting the view !

A good discussion is like a miniskirt; Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject !

Children in backseats cause accidents; Accidents in backseats cause children !

A girl is like a road; The more curves she has the more dangerous she is !

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.

A gentleman is someone who is never unintentionally rude.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

A hair in the head is worth two in the brush

The two most beautiful words in the English language are: "check enclosed."

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

A fool and his money are soon partying.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

Life is Unfair The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alchohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating... You finish off as an orgasm.

I may be fat, but you r ugly - I can lose weight!

Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control!

Cyber Sex

2005-05-20T20:21:00.000-07:00

Got this as a mail realy Hilarious a bit non veggy but funny

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What????

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser! FUCK OFF

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! HELP FIRE FIRE!!!

Sweetheart: LOGOUT

Dr. Abdul Kalaam- The President ( i got this as a mail a bit long but really liked it)

2005-02-24T00:50:00.000-08:00

"I have three visions for India.

In 3000 years of our history, people from all over the
World have come and invaded us, captured our lands, conquered our minds.
From Alexander on wards. The Greeks, the Turks, the Moguls, the
Portuguese, the British, the French, the Dutch, all of them came and
Looted us, took over what was ours. Yet we have not done this to any
Other nation. We have not conquered anyone. We have not grabbed their
land, their culture, their history and tried to enforce our way of life
on them. Why? Because we respect the freedom of others. That is why my
first vision is that of FREEDOM. I believe that India got its first
vision of this in 1857, when we started the war of independence. It is
this freedom that we must protect and nurture and build on. If we are
not free, no one will respect us.

My second vision for India is DEVELOPMENT. For fifty
years we have been a developing nation. It is time we see ourselves as a
developed nation. We are among top 5 nations of the world in terms of
GDP. We have 10 percent growth rate in most areas. Our poverty levels
are falling. Our achievements are being globally recognized today. Yet
we lack the self-confidence to see ourselves as a developed nation,
self- reliant and self-assured. Isn't this incorrect?

I have a third vision. India must stand up to the world.
Because I believe that, unless India stands up to the world, no one will
respect us. Only STRENGTH respects strength. We must be strong not only
as a military power but also as an economic power. Both must go
hand-in-hand. My good fortune was to have worked with three great minds.
Dr. Vikram Sarabhai of the Dept.of Space, Professor Satish Dhawan, who
succeeded him and Dr. Brahm Prakash, Father of Nuclear material. I was
lucky to have worked with all three of them closely and consider this
the great opportunity of my life.

I see four milestones in my career:

Twenty years I spent in ISRO. I was given the
opportunity to be the project director for India's first satellite
launch vehicle, SLV3. The one that launched Rohini. These years played a
very important role in my life of Scientist. After my ISRO years, I
joined DRDO and got a chance to be the part of India's guided missile
program. It was my second bliss when Agni met its mission requirements
in 1994. The Dept. of Atomic Energy and DRDO had this tremendous
partnership in the recent nuclear tests, on May 11 and 13. This was the
third bliss. The joy of participating with my team in these nuclear
tests and proving to the world that India can make it, that we are no
longer a developing nation but one of them. It made me feel very proud
as an Indian. The fact that we have now developed for Agni a re-entry
structure, for which we have developed this new material. A very light
material called carbon-carbon.

One day an orthopedic surgeon from Nizam Institute of
Medical Sciences visited my laboratory. He lifted the material and found
it so light! that he took me to his hospital and showed me his patients.
There were these little girls and boys with heavy
metallic calipers weighing over three Kg. each, dragging their feet
around. He said to me: Please remove the pain of my patients. In three
weeks, we made these Floor reaction Orthosis 300-gram calipers and took
them to the orthopedic center. The children didn't believe their eyes.
From dragging around a three kg. load on their legs, they could now move
around! Their parents had tears in their eyes. That was my fourth bliss!

Why is the media here so negative?
Why are we in India so embarrassed to recognize our own
strengths, our achievements? We are such a great nation. We have so many
amazing success stories but we refuse to acknowledge them. Why?

We are the first in milk production.
We are number one in Remote sensing satellites.
We are the second largest producer of wheat.
We are the second largest producer of rice.
Look at Dr. Sudarshan, he has transferred the tribal
village into a self-sustaining, self-driving unit. There are millions of
such achievements but our media is only obsessed in the bad news and
failures and disasters.
I was in Tel Aviv once and I was reading the Israeli
newspaper. It was the day after a lot of attacks and bombardments and
deaths had taken place. The Hamas had struck. But the front page of the
newspaper had the picture of a Jewish gentleman who in five years had
transformed his desert into an orchid and a granary. It was this
inspiring picture that everyone woke up to. The gory details of
killings, bombardments, deaths, were inside in the newspaper, buried
among other news. In India we only read about death, sickness,
terrorism, crime. Why are we so NEGATIVE?
Another question: Why are we, as a nation so obsessed
with foreign things?
We want foreign TVs, we want foreign shirts. We want
foreign technology.
Why this obsession with everything imported. Do we not
realize that self-respect comes with self-reliance?
I was in Hyderabad giving this lecture, when a 14 year
old girl asked me for my autograph. I asked her what her goal in life
is. She replied: I want to live in a developed India. For her, you and I
will have to build this developed India. You must proclaim. India is not
an under-developed nation; it is a highly developed nation.
Do you have 10 minutes? Allow me to come back with a
vengeance.
Got 10 minutes for your country? If yes, then read;
otherwise, choice is yours.
YOU say that our government is inefficient.
YOU say that our laws are too old.
YOU say that the municipality does not pick up the
garbage.
YOU say that the phones don't work, the railways are a
joke, The airline is the worst in the world, mails never reach their
destination.
YOU say that our country has been fed to the dogs and is
the absolute pits.
YOU say, say and say.
What do YOU do about it?
Take a person on his way to Singapore. Give him a name -
YOURS. Give him a face - YOURS.
YOU walk out of the airport and you are at your
International best. In Singapore you don't throw cigarette butts on the
roads or eat in the stores.
YOU are as proud of their Underground links as they are.
You pay $5 (approx. Rs. 60) to drive through Orchard Road (equivalent of
Mahim Causeway or Pedder Road) between 5 PM and 8 PM.
YOU come back to the parking lot to punch your parking
ticket if you have over stayed in a restaurant or a shopping mall
irrespective of your status identity. . In Singapore you don't say
anything, DO YOU?
YOU wouldn't dare to eat in public during Ramadan, in
Dubai.
YOU would not dare to go out without your head covered
in Jeddah.
YOU would not dare to buy an employee of the telephone
exchange in London at 10 pounds (Rs. 650) a month to, "see to it that my
STD and ISD calls are billed to someone else."
YOU would not dare to speed beyond 55 mph (88 km/h) in
Washington and then tell the traffic cop, "Jaanta hai main kaun hoon (Do
you know who I am?). I am so and so's son. Take your two bucks and get
lost."

YOU wouldn't chuck an empty coconut shell anywhere other
than the garbage pail on the beaches in Australia and New Zealand.
Why don't YOU spit Paan on the streets of Tokyo?
Why don't YOU use examination jockeys or buy fake
certificates in Boston???
We are still talking of the same YOU.
YOU who can respect and conform to a foreign system in
other countries but cannot in your own. You who will throw papers and
cigarettes on the road the moment you touch Indian ground. If you can be
an involved and appreciative citizen in an alien country, why cannot you
be the same here in India? Once in an interview, the famous Ex-municipal
commissioner of Bombay, Mr. Tinaikar, had a point to make. "Rich
people's dogs are walked on the streets to leave their affluent
droppings all over the place," he said. "And then the same people turn
around to criticize and blame the authorities for inefficiency and dirty
pavements. What do they expect the officers to do?
Go down with a broom every time their dog feels the
pressure in his bowels?
In America every dog owner has to clean up after his pet
has done the job.
Same in Japan. Will the Indian citizen do that here?"
He's right.
We go to the polls to choose a government and after that
forfeit all responsibility. We sit back wanting to be pampered and
expect the government to do everything for us whilst our contribution is
totally negative. We expect the government to clean up but we are not
going to stop chucking garbage all over the place nor are we going to
stop to pick a up a stray piece of paper and throw it in the bin. We
expect the railways to provide clean bathrooms but we are not going to
learn the proper use of bathrooms. We want Indian Airlines and Air India
to provide the best of food and toiletries but we are not going to stop
pilfering at the least opportunity. This applies even to the staff who
is known not to pass on the service to the public. When it comes to
burning social issues like those related to women, dowry, girl child!
and others, we make loud drawing room protestations and continue to do
the reverse at home. Our excuse?
"It's the whole system which has to change, how will it
matter if I alone forego my sons' rights to a dowry." So who's going to
change the system? What does a system consist of ? Very conveniently for
us it consists of our neighbours, other households, other cities, other
communities and the government. But definitely not me and YOU. When it
comes to us actually making a positive contribution to the system we
lock ourselves along with our families into a safe cocoon and look into
the distance at countries far away and wait for a Mr. Clean to come
along & work miracles for us with a majestic sweep of his hand or we
leave the country and run away. Like lazy cowards hounded by our fears we
run to America to bask in their glory and praise their system. When New
York becomes insecure we run to England. When England experiences
unemployment, we take the next flight out to the Gulf. When the Gulf is
war struck, we demand to be rescued and brought home by the Indian
government. Everybody is out to abuse and rape the country. Nobody
thinks of feeding the system. Our conscience is mortgaged to money.

Dear Indians, The article is highly thought inductive,
calls for a great deal of introspection and pricks one's conscience
too.... I am echoing J.F. Kennedy's words to his fellow Americans to
relate to Indians....."ASK WHAT WE CAN DO FOR INDIA AND DO WHAT HAS TO
BE DONE TO MAKE INDIA WHAT
AMERICA AND OTHER WESTERN COUNTRIES ARE TODAY". Lets do
what India needs from us.

Thank you,

Dr. Abdul Kalaam
(PRESIDENT OF INDIA)

Romantic 1 liners and Deadly 2nds

2005-02-24T00:43:00.000-08:00

Romantic 1st lines...and deadly 2nd ones The most romantic first line

A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the mostromantic first line... but the least romantic second line. Here aresome of the entries they received.

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl'sempty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell"

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime

Games women Play..............

2005-02-02T01:18:00.000-08:00

We women may spend our lives trying to win the love and approval of the males in our lives – our fathers in our childhood, our boyfriends during our giddy years and our husbands when we finally come down to earth and land, hopefully, on our feet. But we often, usually, inevitably, spend most of our time surrounded by women. Our fathers may have been the idols we adored and looked up to, but we spent far more time with our mothers – having our hair plaited, accompanying them to shops to pick out clothes and either reluctantly or willingly learning the rudiments of housekeeping from them. We were often bugged by their constant lecturing, but we couldn't do without them.
Later the man we fell in love with, had a crush on, were infatuated with, made our hearts soar as we floated on a cloud of dreams and had feelings we had never felt before, but when we came home, we called up our girlfriends and poured out a flood of hopes, fears and doubts that revelled us completely to them. And to whom do we go when hubby forgets our birthdays or our marriage is passing through troubled waters? To a woman friend, of course!

So face it girls, we need females – a number of them, all the time – in our lives! Our lives may revolve around men, but we need women to keep things revolving smoothly!

But then why do we women play games with each other? Claim – pretend – to be friends, but stick it to each other on every possible occasion? Perhaps it is centuries of brainwashing that told us that women are their own worst enemies, perhaps it is because we understand each other much better than we understand men, perhaps it is plain competitiveness, perhaps it is just that we enjoy playing games...!

Whatever the reason, our dependence on the women who surround us and to whom we turn in times of need, is laced with just a tiny soupcon of resentment. We naughtily try to do each other down because then we can climb up ourselves. In other words, we girls constantly try to trick each other!

My Highs...................

2005-01-18T20:43:00.000-08:00

1. A hot shower.
2. A special glance.
3. Getting mail ( iluvvvvvvvv that)
4. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
5. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
6. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
7. Chocolate milkshake.
8. Giggling ( i do that a lot)
9. A good conversation.
10. The beach
11. Finding a 100 Rs from ur hubbys old pants which he never uses.
12. Midnight phone calls that last for hours. ( i do that a lot)
13. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
14. Laughing at an inside joke.
15. Friends
16. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
17. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
18. My first kiss
19. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
20. Playing with a naughty puppy/ kitten.
21. Having someone play with your hair.
22. Hot chocolate.
23. Swinging on swings. ( I still do that )
24. Making eye contact with a cute stranger. ( i hope chris is not readin this)
25. Having your friends send you homemade cakes.
26. Holding hands with someone you care about.
27. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
28. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present .
29. Watching the sunrise.
30. Knowing that somebody misses you.
31. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
32. Knowing i've done the right thing no matter what other people think.

Wt a man gets...to all the guys out there....( got it asa mail)

2005-01-16T22:09:00.001-08:00

Life isn't fair to men. (Is this really true??? , am sure not!!!)

Thought 1:
When they are born, our mother's get the compliments and the flowers.
When they are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When they die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?

Thought 2:
The average man's life consists of - twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going;
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;And at the end, the mourners wondering too.

Thought 3:
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind: u take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man wasastonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him."Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh, yeah?" the man asked.
"And where the hell were you when I got married?"

When Tommorow Starts Without Me

2005-01-13T22:27:00.000-08:00

When tomorrow starts without me
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;

I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;

But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,

And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through Heaven's gates,
But when I walked through Heaven's gates,
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,

He said, "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you.
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.

"I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past.

"You have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times
You did some things
You knew you shouldn't do.

"But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand
And share my life with me."

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart .

2005-01-11T01:32:00.000-08:00

ONE.
Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO.
Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

THREE.
Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

FOUR.
When you say, "I love you," mean it.

FIVE.
When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.

SIX.
Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

SEVEN.
Believe in love at first sight.

EIGHT.
Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

NINE.
Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

TEN.
In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

ELEVEN.
Don't judge people by their relatives

TWELVE..
Talk slowly but think quickly.

THIRTEEN.
When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

FOURTEEN.
Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

FIFTEEN.
Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN.
When you lose, don't lose the lesson

SEVENTEEN.
Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.

EIGHTEEN.
Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN.
When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

TWENTY.
Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

TWENTY-ONE.
Spend some time alone.